Gripping panic and fear

There are random moments that I find myself crippled with panic and fear. Sometimes I can go days without this happening. Other times, it happens so frequently that I spend the entire day battling and find myself completely exhausted at the end of the day.

What cripples me is an irrational thought that God might not use me again. That I won’t be given the privilege of serving the kingdom, of sharing the good news, of being fully used by God for His glory. I fear that perhaps I’ve disqualified myself somehow or someway that I have yet to fully understand or comprehend.

And yet even in the midst of these moments, I hold tight to the following truths:

I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells me this and so I hold onto that tightly. That fear is not mine, it is not from God, and so while it may impact me briefly, it does not have a place in my life of choosing to follow God.

I know that the calling of God is irrevocable. Romans 11:29 tells me this and when panic sets in that God may not ever use me again, I’m reminded that God does not make mistakes. He called me for a purpose. He will not revoke that calling and He will continue to use me as He sees fit.

So in this battle, I find myself gripping panic and fear with the truth that God has given to me. And those battles soon end and life goes on.

Follow Us


  1. John, thank you so much for all you share through the words you write! Your service to the Lord reaches so much further than you realize, and go deeper than you know. The seeds that you plant, nourish, and care for they are in all stages of growth…sprouting, blooming, ripening, and being harvested. I speak from one who is carrying my own bushel of blessings from you.

    Nine years ago you lent me one of your books, “Celebration of Discipline” by Richard J. Foster. The book and the conversations we had regarding topics in the book, have stuck deep and made a huge different in my life. I quickly bought my own copy for multiple re-readings.

    We once had a conversation about Habakkuk 2:2 and the importance of writing down, making it plain on tablets, so that others can run with it. Every time I read this verse, I think of you and our conversations.

    When my son, Andrew, speaks of his younger days in Youth group, your name comes up repeatedly. As a mother, to know that there are men of faith who share and reach out to the next generation, words can’t begin to describe that blessing.

    So when I say Thank You for what you share, for sharing who you are, and sharing what you go through, I mean it very deeply and rooted in more than just a “hey your words made me feel connected and hopeful today” (even though your words did make me feel encouraged as I read them today.)

    May this Christmas bring you a rich, lavish peace. Peace with God who loves you so intensely and who is bringing about great purposes through you in ways you may not realize. Peace with others, may their love for you be felt in a deep and refreshing way connecting what they have been given with what you need. Peace with yourself, no guilt, no shame, no condemnation, just a radiant reflect of the light of heaven.

    Thank you so very much. Praising God for you in my prayers, Julie

    • Julie – Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so much. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas and may God continue to bless you all greatly. john